Your Family Law Advocate Blog

This blog is not intended to provide individualized or state-specific legal advice. Each state’s family laws differ and you should consult a licensed attorney in the state where you live for specific legal advice regarding your particular situation.

Whether you are the spouse eagerly running to the courthouse, or the spouse who has been unexpectedly served with divorce papers, here are the 'Top 5 Mistakes to Avoid' during the divorce process:

1. Don’t Disparage Your Spouse

Don’t disparage your spouse to your kids, family, friends, or especially on social media.

Studies show that disparaging your spouse in front of your kids is particular harmful to them. Think about it, your kids are literally a part of both you and your spouse. If you disparage your spouse in front of the kids, you are, in essence, saying those terrible things about your kids too. It is very damaging to them and divorce is hard enough. Your kids are going to need your loving guidance at this time. Do not put your anger and frustration for your spouse above your love for the kids.

Don’t disparage your spouse to your family, your spouses, family or to friends. Family dynamics in divorce cases are very complex and the last thing you want is to alienate your spouse’s siblings, parents and friends. Friends and families will take sides in this process and taking the high road, no matter how hard it is, is the way to go.

Not only can disparaging your spouse on social media be harmful to your kids and your family, but it can also create a record of damning evidence that will be used against you in the divorce process.

2. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

You will spend hours of your time and thousands of dollars getting divorced, whether you do it the traditional way or through a more collaborative process. Don’t spend time, money, and energy fighting over who gets to keep the coffee table. It is simply not worth it.

Don’t put your lawyer’s kids through college when you can save that money and use it for your own. Focus on the big picture. Identify the key things that really matter to you and to your future and focus on those.

3. Don’t Listen to Everything Your Friends Say

Beware unsolicited advice: each divorce is as unique as each marriage. Once your friends and family learn that you are getting divorced, everyone is going to have an opinion about it, and about how you should approach it. Only you know what your marriage has been like and the underlying reasons why it is ending. While your friends and family are trying to be helpful, take their advice with a grain of salt. You are vulnerable right now and need to chart your own best path. While their guidance can be helpful, don’t let their opinions and experiences pressure you to handle things the way they think is best.

It may be best to rely on one or two close confidants during this time, rather than casting a wide net of supporters who will want to be updated frequently on the latest developments.

4. Don’t Assume Litigating in Court is the Only Way

Consider all of your options when you consider what your divorce process will look like. There are many different methods of obtaining the same outcome. No matter which method you chose, the end result is the same, you will be divorced.

But how much time, energy and money you spend fighting, and how much additional pain ensues, is up to you. Yes, you can get divorced the traditional way, through a traditional court process. Or, you can explore the benefits and drawbacks of mediated divorce, arbitration, or Collaborative Divorce. No matter which method you chose, investigate the options to determine which one is right for you.

Remember: in divorce cases, there are no “winners” and “losers.” It’s time to focus on a new vision for your family in a way that minimizes the pain.

5. Don’t Rush It

You are about to make critical life-changing decisions that will have a lasting impact. Don’t make snap judgments. Whether it’s a custody or parenting time issue or a major financial decision like selling or keeping the marital home, think through the options and their consequences. Seek professional advice and contact a Foster Swift family law attorney to support you along the way.